prodigal

It has been nearly a year since I sent one of my kids off to visit their father for the summer... only to have them not return home.

New to this blog and don't know the back-story? You can catch parts of it here.

I guess all a parent can do is keep their eyes firmly fixed on the horizon, with arms open wide, hoping one day their child will finally be able to come home.

Well, either that. Or maybe... this!


parenting

behavior

children

divorce

Gaslight Theater

Being a parent of teens is a challenge. It is not easy. It is not for the faint of heart. It is not for the hard of hearing. It is not for the half awake.

Why?

Because if you are not at the top of your game for most every encounter with a teenager you will find yourself scratching your head saying "Am I crazy?"

Why?

Because teenagers seem innately talented in directing and staring in "Gaslight Theater." What the heck am I talking about? Know what "Gaslighting" is?

In a nutshell: "False information is presented to the parent by the teen with the intent of making the parent doubt their own memory or perception."  

I don't think that too many parents ever buy tickets to this "production" that their kids continually attempt to stage anyway. Parents know what they said. Parents know what the kids said. Parents know the deal.

Take that show on the road kids!

parenting

behavior

teens

Teen Weather Report

 P R E D I C T A B L E


When a parent says "yes" to a teen, it is sunny skies and 75 degrees out. Beautiful! 

parenting

behavior

teens

When a parent says "no" to their child? Suddenly and without warning it is 10 below zero and a full on rattle-your-windows blizzard! Brutal. 

How does any teen think that they will change their parent's mind by changing the "weather" so dramatically?

Beyond Reason

Teens tend to have two reasons for doing a thing: 

one that sounds good 

and a real one.
NOTE: Parents just happen to have an innate decoding ability to determine the real reason.

parenting

behavior

teens

Remember to forget

Why is it that kids seem to forget most everything that matters to the adults in their life? Conversely? They seem to have an elephant's memory when it comes to recalling whatever it is that is on their agenda.
It is madness I tell you!

And yet, as parents? It is our job to love our kids when even when they aren't very lovable.

parenting

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teens

Why?

Because I said so!

 

parenting

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teens

So that's when...

You know you've truly grown up when you realize your parents knew exactly what they were talking about.

parenting

behavior

teens

And don't forget...

... to slam the door! 

parenting

behavior

teens

Sure, today may be Valentine's Day, but what does that mean to the parent of teens? Well, in this land of madness it means that the teen spends a bunch of time & money preparing to have PDA time with their suitor after school, but treats the parents like crap. Ah, if only the suitor could see what real life is like with this teen --- before, during and after the slamming of the doors!

The madness of PAS

The true madness of PAS (Parental alienation syndrome) is that it is not a sickness of the child, but a malady of the parent.
PAS is not even a recognized disorder. That doesn't mean that parents can't (and don't) do things to annoy and alienate their children, it just means that PAS is being used by some abusive parents as a tactic to derail the beleaguered parent's attempts to protect their children from abuse (much more than the obvious physical abuse--more often emotional, psychological, financial).


parenting

behavior

children

parental_alienation_syndrome

prime duties of parenthood

You can click on the picture above to see where I found this quote. So many things grab my attention about the above quote. "Willful violation" and "primary duties of parenthood."
My ex had accused me for so long of his bogus version of "parental alienation syndrome." It mystified me, because not only did I never keep the kids from their father, but I was the one who paid for the phone bills and plane fare to connect them with their father. The very person who accused me of P.A.S. "kidnapped" one of my children--the vulnerable child who has never been able to stand up to that parent and say "no, that's not OK." Shouldn't one of the other prime duties of parenthood to not take advantage of a vulnerable child and use them as a pawn?
You can read more about what has happened to my kids over the last couple years here, and here and here. 
I miss my child so much! It has been almost a year since I have been allowed to see my missing child. I have requested time, and time and again for contact with my child and been told "no." Oh, and by the way, in case you are new to this blog--I am primary custodial parent of this missing child.
This has definitely been a situation of direct and willful violation of the prime duties of parenthood. By the way, the siblings of this kidnapped child very much miss their other sibling as well.

"The basic difference between being assertive and being aggressive
is how our words and behaviors affect the rights and well being of others."
(Sharon Bower)

parenting

behavior

children

parental_alienation_syndrome

Give an inch...

As a parent, often times it is not at all surprising to turn around and see that when we give our kids an inch -- they have taken a mile. Even though it may not be surprising, it is always disappointing.

children

parenting

behavior