Gaslight Theater

Being a parent of teens is a challenge. It is not easy. It is not for the faint of heart. It is not for the hard of hearing. It is not for the half awake.

Why?

Because if you are not at the top of your game for most every encounter with a teenager you will find yourself scratching your head saying "Am I crazy?"

Why?

Because teenagers seem innately talented in directing and staring in "Gaslight Theater." What the heck am I talking about? Know what "Gaslighting" is?

In a nutshell: "False information is presented to the parent by the teen with the intent of making the parent doubt their own memory or perception."  

I don't think that too many parents ever buy tickets to this "production" that their kids continually attempt to stage anyway. Parents know what they said. Parents know what the kids said. Parents know the deal.

Take that show on the road kids!

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Teen Weather Report

 P R E D I C T A B L E


When a parent says "yes" to a teen, it is sunny skies and 75 degrees out. Beautiful! 

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When a parent says "no" to their child? Suddenly and without warning it is 10 below zero and a full on rattle-your-windows blizzard! Brutal. 

How does any teen think that they will change their parent's mind by changing the "weather" so dramatically?

And don't forget...

... to slam the door! 

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Sure, today may be Valentine's Day, but what does that mean to the parent of teens? Well, in this land of madness it means that the teen spends a bunch of time & money preparing to have PDA time with their suitor after school, but treats the parents like crap. Ah, if only the suitor could see what real life is like with this teen --- before, during and after the slamming of the doors!

It's got to be some kind of record!

Just an ordinary day, getting the bills paid. But then I saw something out of the ordinary while paying the family's cell plan bill.

This below illustrates how many texts one of my teens sent during the last billing cycle:

It's got to be some kind of record! It is madness I tell you.

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prime duties of parenthood

You can click on the picture above to see where I found this quote. So many things grab my attention about the above quote. "Willful violation" and "primary duties of parenthood."
My ex had accused me for so long of his bogus version of "parental alienation syndrome." It mystified me, because not only did I never keep the kids from their father, but I was the one who paid for the phone bills and plane fare to connect them with their father. The very person who accused me of P.A.S. "kidnapped" one of my children--the vulnerable child who has never been able to stand up to that parent and say "no, that's not OK." Shouldn't one of the other prime duties of parenthood to not take advantage of a vulnerable child and use them as a pawn?
You can read more about what has happened to my kids over the last couple years here, and here and here. 
I miss my child so much! It has been almost a year since I have been allowed to see my missing child. I have requested time, and time and again for contact with my child and been told "no." Oh, and by the way, in case you are new to this blog--I am primary custodial parent of this missing child.
This has definitely been a situation of direct and willful violation of the prime duties of parenthood. By the way, the siblings of this kidnapped child very much miss their other sibling as well.

"The basic difference between being assertive and being aggressive
is how our words and behaviors affect the rights and well being of others."
(Sharon Bower)

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The WTF Syndrome

Don't you hate it when people take advantage of people, take people for granted, lie, cheat and steal and then decide to sum it all up by labeling the injured party as the victim of a "syndrome"? (As opposed to the unfortunate target of their own abusive and neglectful behaviors.) If it were up to me, I would call that the WTF Syndrome.

My kids have been through the ringer with their father over the years. I won't waste characters here detailing the crap he has put them through. And yet, recently, he has decided he actually wants to be a parent--well, to one of our children anyway. He told one of the lesser malleable children that they were "too difficult" to be welcomed for the regular summer visitation with their father. Obviously, the kids were heartbroken. But the favored child did still make their annual trek for visitation.

Long story short. That favored child was not placed back on their return flight home at the end of summer. And the "difficult" child was left behind here--without a father and without a sibling.

And to add insult to injury? The far away father decided not only to keep the younger more impressionable child but to label the older more sagacious child as the "victim of parental alienation syndrome." 

First, that "syndrome" is not a recognized disorder. Sure, that doesn't mean that parents can't (and don't) do things to annoy and alienate their children, it just means that PAS is being used by some abusive parents as a tactic to demonize a parent's attempts to protect their children from abuse (much more than the obvious  physical abuse--more often emotional, psychological, financial).

What can be done? Not much. See why I call it the WTF syndrome?

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