prodigal

It has been nearly a year since I sent one of my kids off to visit their father for the summer... only to have them not return home.

New to this blog and don't know the back-story? You can catch parts of it here.

I guess all a parent can do is keep their eyes firmly fixed on the horizon, with arms open wide, hoping one day their child will finally be able to come home.

Well, either that. Or maybe... this!


parenting

behavior

children

divorce

Gaslight Theater

Being a parent of teens is a challenge. It is not easy. It is not for the faint of heart. It is not for the hard of hearing. It is not for the half awake.

Why?

Because if you are not at the top of your game for most every encounter with a teenager you will find yourself scratching your head saying "Am I crazy?"

Why?

Because teenagers seem innately talented in directing and staring in "Gaslight Theater." What the heck am I talking about? Know what "Gaslighting" is?

In a nutshell: "False information is presented to the parent by the teen with the intent of making the parent doubt their own memory or perception."  

I don't think that too many parents ever buy tickets to this "production" that their kids continually attempt to stage anyway. Parents know what they said. Parents know what the kids said. Parents know the deal.

Take that show on the road kids!

parenting

behavior

teens

Freedom?

Isn't that the wish of every teenager? All they want is freedom.

I have one teen who can't wait to "graduate" and have all the "freedom" in the world. Then I have another teen who can't wait to get their driver's license because then they can "go wherever they want and do whatever they want." Neither of those two teens seem to be able to hear that freedom costs.

Teens seem to think that their parents live to rob them of their freedom. They probably won't see for years to come that these years are some of the most free. Free of bills, free of landlords, free of a full-time employer. If they think that parents exact a lot from them, just wait until they get the "freedom" they live for.

That first teen? Once you graduate then you have a landlord to pay rent to, a college to pay tuition to, a job to not call out sick from, an electric bill to pay, cable/Internet/cell to pay for, car maintenance, etc. All you parents out there know full well. The second teen? Just getting a license to drive does not mean that you have full license to go where you want and do what you want. First, you have to get a job to be able to get a car, or if family has given a car, then you need to work to provide gas, and need to earn the privileges to go places.

To try and tell teens this? It is like I am speaking a language that they have no comprehension to translate. Freedom is not a right, it is a privilege earned. Freedom is not free, it is expensive. I guess every generation has to learn the hard way, huh?

parenting

behavior

teens

"He who is contented is rich." - Lao Tsu

Why?

Because I said so!

 

parenting

behavior

teens

So that's when...

You know you've truly grown up when you realize your parents knew exactly what they were talking about.

parenting

behavior

teens

The madness of PAS

The true madness of PAS (Parental alienation syndrome) is that it is not a sickness of the child, but a malady of the parent.
PAS is not even a recognized disorder. That doesn't mean that parents can't (and don't) do things to annoy and alienate their children, it just means that PAS is being used by some abusive parents as a tactic to derail the beleaguered parent's attempts to protect their children from abuse (much more than the obvious physical abuse--more often emotional, psychological, financial).


parenting

behavior

children

parental_alienation_syndrome

prime duties of parenthood

You can click on the picture above to see where I found this quote. So many things grab my attention about the above quote. "Willful violation" and "primary duties of parenthood."
My ex had accused me for so long of his bogus version of "parental alienation syndrome." It mystified me, because not only did I never keep the kids from their father, but I was the one who paid for the phone bills and plane fare to connect them with their father. The very person who accused me of P.A.S. "kidnapped" one of my children--the vulnerable child who has never been able to stand up to that parent and say "no, that's not OK." Shouldn't one of the other prime duties of parenthood to not take advantage of a vulnerable child and use them as a pawn?
You can read more about what has happened to my kids over the last couple years here, and here and here. 
I miss my child so much! It has been almost a year since I have been allowed to see my missing child. I have requested time, and time and again for contact with my child and been told "no." Oh, and by the way, in case you are new to this blog--I am primary custodial parent of this missing child.
This has definitely been a situation of direct and willful violation of the prime duties of parenthood. By the way, the siblings of this kidnapped child very much miss their other sibling as well.

"The basic difference between being assertive and being aggressive
is how our words and behaviors affect the rights and well being of others."
(Sharon Bower)

parenting

behavior

children

parental_alienation_syndrome

Adolescent Arithmetic

I have learned as a parent of teenagers that there is a direct correlation between the level of defensiveness an adolescent exhibits and the accuracy of parent's intuition regarding what they believe is really going on.

The formula?
The greater the indignant defensive teen rant = the greater chance that the parent nailed it when they called it as they saw it.

You do the math.
children

parenting

behavior

Exhaling...

It's okay Moms, you can admit it. Days like today just seem to find you exhaling!

Why?

Because a long school break has ended and our kids get back on the school buses and head back to the routine of school. That means that not only does the madness of them wandering around the house with "nothing to do," but that we Moms can get to doing all that we have waiting for us to do.

Go ahead... stop for just a moment this morning and let yourself exhale!

children

parenting

How do you sleep?

How do you sleep while the rest of us cry?
How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye?
How do you walk with your head held high?
Can you even look me in the eye...
And tell me why?

 (by P!nk)

parenting

divorce

parental_alienation_syndrome

Phony Sh*t my Kid's dad says:

Dad: If you don't get on your return flight home, but live here with me instead, you can go visit your Mom any time you want! I'll even pay for it!

(I'll give you two guesses how that turned out.)

parenting

divorce

parental_alienation_syndrome

Kid-napping

Have you ever read a news story and wondered how a parent actually got away with kidnapping their child?

Here is the all too simple formula:
Take 1 manipulative parent + 1 impressionable child  =  1 less family member at home now. That is some messed up math.

parenting

behavior

children

divorce

parental_alienation_syndrome